Missing Someone Is Not The Same As Being In Love

Missing someone does not mean you are in love with that person. This may sound counterintuitive, but it is true.

Quite interestingly, most people take the missing element to be the test of love. A girlfriend would say to her boyfriend, “You never miss me, so you don’t love me.” Or a wife would say to her husband after he returns from work, “You never once called me. You didn’t miss me at all. That’s because you don’t love me.” As if missing meant loving!

It is possible to miss someone without being in love with them. How is that possible, you might ask. It is possible. Missing someone just means that you are used to the person.

When you are used to anything you miss that thing when you are away from it.

When you are with certain person for a period of time, and are used to that person doing things with you and to you, you would miss that person when they are away from you. You may or may not be in love.

Let’s take for example a couple who have broken up because they were not compatible with each other. After staying with each other for a year, the couple found out that they had many differences of opinions and different life goals. They argued and fought a lot and couldn’t give each other happiness.

Their situation had gotten so bad that they figured the only way for them to be happy was to separate. So they separated.

After a week of separation, the guy or the girl started missing the other. This phenomenon is fairly common among people.

Missing someone in such cases is interpreted as “true love” which causes further trauma when the feeling is only on part of one person. The person feeling this feels their loss more heavily because they think that they are truly in love (which they figured out now) and are losing true love. How pitiful that is!

They don’t understand that missing the person only means that they were used to being around that person and now the person is not around. It is as simple as that.

The following example may make it easy to understand:

We are all used to eating sugar. We like eating sweet things. But sugar makes us fat. So let’s say you are fat and the doctor advises you to quit sugar. Now you quit sugar. You quit sugar because sugar is harmful to you. Sugar would make you fatter and more unhealthy, and would destroy you.

So you quit sugar. Now you will miss sugar. You will miss eating sweet things.

Does that mean you love sugar and therefore should get it back into your life, your diet?

No. You miss sugar only because you were used to sugar, not because you love sugar or that sugar is good for you. You still are fully aware of how bad sugar is. It is just a matter of time before you get used to living without sugar.

Hope that made sense.


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