A Woman’s Need To “Find Herself” Explained

Only a woman would say such a thing as she needs to find herself. It’s a code for saying I don’t want responsibilities and burdens of relationship, family, or society.

A woman who needs to find herself would be most selfish, irresponsible, and narcissistic like a child. By irresponsible I mean when she realizes that she is causing emotional hurt to the people around by her behavior, instead of changing her behavior she will only think about herself and justify her cruel whims by saying she can’t help it and that she needs to find herself and will want to break away to freedom. She doesn’t know compromise which is the first thing an adult human should know.

For a woman in relationship with a man, the phenomenon of need for self discovery occurs when the woman, owing to her hypergamous nature, viscerally feels that she is not with the best man she could get. She can not rationally justify to herself why she needs to alienate the man she is with, yet she doesn’t feel at home with the man who is perhaps too beta to satisfy the animal inside her. She is in conflict which she can only explain by saying she needs to find herself – which means she doesn’t know what she wants yet. It is true, because reason says she is with a good man, but the animal inside her feels deprived, and therefore she is not happy and can’t decide what she wants. The need for self discovery makes the childishness and emotional cruelty on her part okay.

A woman who isn’t in a relationship and is on a journey of self discovery is really on a journey to find the best alpha male mate which mostly involves a lot of sleeping around for trial and error. Consciously she may not be aware of the fact that she is looking for a mate who will hold down the animal inside her. In her awareness she is only “experiencing life till she finds herself”. It’s about satisfying the animal nature by finding a man to feel at home with. The purpose of human existence is to spread one’s genes by mating with the best options, after all. We are not designed to feel satisfied if not by serving the biological purpose.

So in her awareness she wants to experience life till she finds herself. Except that it is an impossible quest. Because she won’t find herself till she finds “the man”, and no man can satisfy the animal inside a woman forever. That is because we don’t live animalistic lives. A man’s heart would soften once in love, and alpha would turn beta, if slightly. A callous alpha man who doesn’t turn beta after taking on a woman may keep her attraction up for longer, but there is no guarantee that her hypergamy won’t create the conflict in her and force her to feel that she still needs to find herself. Too much alphaness can also trigger this when she feels she can’t settle down with the man.

How is a man to know the subtle balance of alpha and betaness forever when the woman’s need for it itself varies based on her age and even her menstrual cycle? Hence, there is no guarantee that any woman will be satisfied always. And the moment she is not satisfied, she will cease to feel at home and will want to discover or re-discover herself.

A woman raised by religious and traditional values is taught the virtue of compromise instead of self discovery. An independent modern woman is taught that self discovery is important above all. What is sad here is that there is no Self to be discovered.

Run away from a woman who says she is on a quest to find herself.


One thought on “A Woman’s Need To “Find Herself” Explained

  1. My sons wife just left him saying she needs to find herself. They’ve been married for 16 years with two children ages 15 and 5. In just 3 1/2 weeks, he has caught her making out with a “friend” at the park at 3am and again in the afternoon. They were still living together and going to counseling when he caught them the second time. After my son told her to get her stuff and get out she rented a hotel room with the guy and then told my son she did it. She rented a house today but still insists that she just needs to find herself and that she cannot be herself with my son. My son worked and put her through college and that’s where she met this guy. I asked my son how it feels to go to counseling twice in 10 years over the same man. He continues to make excuses for her


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